For the Girl Who Does Not Fit In

The time had come, our first wedding for a sorority sister post college graduation. I met my sorority sisters at a restaurant following the rehearsal. I grabbed the only open seat in the middle of the table, thankful to not have to deal with decision of choosing where to sit. After taking my seat, I struggled to decide which conversation to join. The usual cliques seemed to be separated by each side of the table, so it felt somewhat appropriate that I fell somewhere in the middle of the seating arrangement because I never really did fit into any group or clique. 

You can probably imagine how loud about fifteen women would be while reminiscing and catching up with their college sorority sisters. Soon we were climbing to new decibels. I started up a conversation with the girl across from me. She recently began medical school. My boyfriend had just completed his first year of medical school as well, so I thought we could find common ground for conversation. I filled her in on the juiciest med school gossip I had: recently an outbreak of the mumps had infected several of the medical students at my boyfriend’s school! I then proceeded to tell her that the boys at his fraternity were all jokingly, but also very seriously, asking each other if they had checked for swollen testicles (a possible sign of infection pointing to a probable diagnosis of the mumps). As fate would have it, at that very moment the whole table had some sort of conversational intermission and fell dead silent just as I loudly proclaimed “swollen testicles.” You could have heard a pin drop! (Insert crying face emoji here.) Now, I inevitably had everyone’s attention at the table as well as the surrounding guests. Looks of disgust and shock stared at me. Wonderful... How does one recover from that kind of public humiliation? 

That’s how a lot of the teenage and college era felt for me: Friends with most but never really fitting in anywhere. Conversation always has come naturally for me. I've never had a fear of speaking or engaging with others. There were times where I admittedly would try to conform to the popular crowd or talk the talk and walk the walk, but it never felt right or lasted long. Maybe I was aware of an unspoken girl code or my own deeper knowing that I did not belong - and honestly, as I got older I became okay with that. I could engage in surface conversation but I was also aware I was not accepted into the "inner circle." Sometimes I would be included to tag along, but more likely I would see pictures of everyone together on social media. Often I felt like the group photographer always asked to take the photo, never asked to be in them, only then to see it online without photo cred. Rude, right? I'm joking now, but here's the truth:

No matter how old you are, no matter what stage of life you are in: we want to be wanted and to feel like we fit in. As human beings it's only natural. You were made for relationship. If you feel like you don’t belong or you are struggling with female friendships, I want you to know that God does not need you to fit in or for you to change who you are to prove your worth. You won’t always fit in when God has set you apart. Your immeasurable worth has already been established by God's unmerited favor before the creation of the world. Purpose is a position given to you by grace, not by popularity. 

Leadership can be lonely. Jesus calls it the path less traveled for a reason. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in status, or human relationships. There will be instances where you feel unseen, or unimportant in the eyes of others - and that is okay. You do not need approval from the world because you are already so adored by the only One who's opinion matters and His Word is unchanging and unshakable. 

When you feel like everyone fits in except you, that everyone is included except you; know you were set apart because you are exceptional. You were made beautifully unique and gifted exceptional capabilities. You are not awkward, you are anointed. It is a gift to see beyond what this world sees. You are not like the rest, you are called to be the exception. You may not be invited to be in every picture, but you will always be a part of God's bigger picture. We won’t always know where we sit at the table, but we will always know where we stand with God.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And to be thankful. - Colossians 3:15

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