When Doubt Feels Like Your Greatest Virtue
I used to think there was nothing special about my gifts. Honestly, I wasn't really sure I could call them gifts. Speaking and writing... Couldn't most people speak by age two and write by kindergarten? I thought a career of writing and speaking sounded so random. Then God showed me that nothing under His Power is at random. He had gifted me these talents since I was a little girl and recalled several memories allowing me to connect the dots to see His grander vision.
When God revealed to me the vision He had for influencing a Kingdom Crowned Generation, I thought, "Me? No way. I'm too young. Too unqualified. I'm just a small town Iowa farmer's daughter. Surely someone else can fulfill this call better than me." God was faithful to show me over and over in the Bible how often His chosen people were the most unqualified in the eyes of the world. Even Moses tried to tell God that He had the wrong guy for the job.
Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” - Exodus 4:10-12
You do not have to be unusually gifted to make a difference in our world. You just have to be brave enough to allow God to use your gifts unusually well. Truly the only ones who make a difference in our world are the ones who boldly believe it is possible. Would you be so bold to ask God how He has gifted you and how He desires to powerfully use your gifts for the globe and the gospel?
It is okay to be a beginner. This is my anthem these days. Whenever I start anything new, I immediately compare myself to others who have been refining that gift or fulfilling their calling for decades. I take one misstep and I question the entire path before me. Why are we so quick to compare our first pages to someone's fiftieth chapter? They once had to make the choice to start and be a beginner, too. We can't get to where we are going with God by staying where we are today. So today I'm embracing the mystery of walking with God over my own mastery because I want to finish this race well. I want to see the goal we are running towards and I want to take hold of all that He has entrusted to me because I want more than answers. I want revelation and I want a relationship with Jesus. Today I want you to think about all that you are, not all that you are not. You are qualified not by what others see on the outside, but by the Holy Spirit living inside. I want to encourage you that it is normal to feel discouraged, but I want to challenge you to choose to be strong and courageous because the beauty lies within our own refinement and the refinement only comes when we choose to step into the fire. Push through, pursue, and be willing to begin.